What is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence is abuse committed against a person by someone in the family. People who commit domestic violence are trying to control the person being abused.
With the Domestic Violence Act 1994, domestic violence is no longer a private matter but a societal concern. It is a crime under the Penal Code. Malaysian women’s organisations lobbied for almost a decade before the Domestic Violence Act was passed in 1994.
Today, victims who are abused can get help from the police, Social Welfare Department, hospitals and NGOs (non-governmental organisations) as well as take action against their abusers. Although most reported domestic violence cases involve women victims, men, elderly parents, and children can also be victims.
Types of Domestic Violence
Domestic violence can occur in many ways including:
- Physical abuse e.g. hitting, pushing, punching, slapping, kicking, throwing objects or strangling a person.
- Emotional abuse e.g. using words to humiliate or make a person feel worthless, either directly or through online or social media applications.
- Sexual abuse e.g. using sex to control or humiliate the victim, including intimidating the victim into engaging in unsafe sex or sexual practices in which she does not want to participate.
- Isolation e.g. controlling the person’s movements or preventing them from visiting, seeing or speaking to family members or friends.
- Threats e.g. threatening to hurt, kidnap, or harm a person, or the children or family pet, or even threatening to commit suicide.
- Economic abuse e.g. limiting a person’s financial freedom or security including withholding or refusing to give sufficient money for household expenses or taking away a person’s income.
- Stalking e.g. repeatedly harassing and displaying threatening behaviour, including following or showing up at the victim’s home or workplace, making harassing phone calls, leaving voicemail or sending threatening messages on social media, for example, through WhatsApp.
How does Domestic Violence Happen?
Cycle of Violence
The cycle of violence is a model developed to explain the complexity and co-existence of abusive and loving behaviour in a relationship. It helps those who have never experienced domestic violence understand that breaking the cycle of violence is much more complicated than just “getting out” or leaving.
There are three phases in the cycle of violence: (1) Tension-Building Phase, (2) Explosion/Acute Battering Phase, and (3) Remorseful/Honeymoon Phase. Without intervention, the frequency and severity of the abuse tends to increase over time.
Phase 1: Tension Building
During this phase, less severe forms of abuse takes place. The victim senses the tension and tries to be “nice” to the abusive partner to prevent the abuse. The victim may minimise minor incidents and even take the blame for the abuser’s behaviour. The victim may also be in denial that the tension can escalate into violence although it may have happened before.
Phase 2: Explosion/Acute Battering
The abuser’s anger escalates dramatically. Severe injuries can occur as a result of the violence. The victim often experiences shock and disbelief that the incident has taken place. Often both the victim and the abuser believe the myth that the abuser cannot control his anger.
Usually it is at this point that victims seek help or lodge formal complaints with the police or social welfare office.
Phase 3: Remorseful/Honeymoon
The abuser appears remorseful and promises to change. The abuser may behave lovingly and buy gifts as a way of apology. The abuser may rationalise the violent incident and blame the victim for causing the abuse. The abuser may elicit feelings of guilt and sympathy from the victim. The victim’s desire to believe the abuser will increase and the abuser’s temporarily changed behaviour reinforces the victim’s desire to remain in the relationship.
It is often the case that the victim will want to withdraw her complaint or report during this phase.
It is important to note that the cycle of violence may not be present in all violent relationships. Also, the three phases can vary in terms of intensity and length of time for each phase.
Breaking the Cycle of Violence
The most difficult step for a domestic violence victim is to break the cycle of violence.
If the victim wishes to break the cycle of violence, she needs to accept that staying in a violent relationship will allow the pattern of abusive behaviour to continue, which is destructive to her and her children. She would need to believe that life without violence which will initially be difficult is better for herself and her children. She would need to have support, emotionally and financially.
If the abuser wishes to break the cycle of violence, then the abuser himself must decide to change his behaviour. This involves changing his attitude towards the victim, managing his anger well, increasing his communication skills (e.g. listening and talking) and not relying on force or violence in his relationships.
Why Do Abusers Engage In Violence?
Power and Control
Abusers are usually self-centred and think only of themselves, neglecting other people’s feelings. They control their family members through violence, make all the major decisions and mistreat their partners.
Family Factors
Some abusers may have been raised in a violent home environment. They may have experienced family violence in their childhood and learnt violent behaviour from their family.
Social Factors
Abusers tend to have traditional ideas about the roles of women and men, believing that women should be subordinate to men. They cannot accept that women have the right to make decisions about their own lives such as going out to work.
Psychological Factors
Abusers may suffer from psychological problems and have personality disorders which are associated with severe mood swings, lying, sexual problems, substance abuse, or suicidal behaviour.
Who Is Affected By Domestic Violence, and How?
The Victim
- Low self-esteem and lack of confidence
- Mental breakdown
- Shame, guilt, and fear
- Isolation
- Depression or suicidal thoughts
The Children
- Fear, insecurity, and dependency
- Frustration and anxiety
- Problems in school (truancy, poor grades, etc.)
- Deep anger (that may lead to violent behaviour)
The Abuser
- Family breakdown
- Punishment by law
- Separation/divorce
Check out books, posters & pamphlets and videos on Domestic Violence.