Teen & Violence

Friendship is an important aspect in the teenage development. Friendship gives you a sense of belonging and being valued by people other than family members. This gives you feelings of confidence and sense of security. In this period, it is also normal for teenagers to be attracted to someone and wanting to form a special connection. To strengthen the connection, you may decide to spend some exclusive time together to get to know each other better.

Therefore, it is important to know and establish a healthy relationship.

What is a Healthy Relationship?

In a healthy relationship, your boyfriend/girlfriend:

• Trust and support each other;
• Respect one another and each other’s opinions;
• Have fun and make decisions together;
• Accept each other;
• Sort out any arguments through open and honest communication;
• There is mutual respect for each other’s boundaries and privacy.

What is an Unhealthy Relationship?

A relationship is deemed unhealthy when both or either one of the person feels he/she  cannot be themselves when they are around each other. They feel pressured to do things that make them feel uncomfortable and/or bring out the worst characters in each other. Generally, disrespect and control are dominant characteristics in an unhealthy relationship.

Red flags of unhealthy relationship

• Too frequent calls and messages, overindulgence of gifts, and
  over the top praises like ‘I have never met anyone so perfect as you’
  but it stops once you are in a committed relationship with them.
  This act is known as love bombing.
• You are always left in uncertainty and may feel bad about yourself
  after spending time with each other. He/she do not share much about him/herself but just enough to keep you hooked. This act is known as breadcrumbing.

Types of Unhealthy Relationship

There are two types of unhealthy relationship: toxic and abusive. However, there are no clear lines to differentiate between toxic and abusive relationships. Both behaviours are unhealthy and unacceptable. It traumatises and has long-term damage to the persons involved.

Toxic Relationship

Toxic relationship happens when of both or either person is unable to communicate effectively and have out-of-proportion reactive behaviour towards a situation or a disagreement, resulting from lack of control.

• Disregard boundaries and makes each other or either feel bad.
• Each disagreement becomes an argument where both or either try to put down the other.
• Quick to judge each other or either and nit-pick on little issues.
• Blame each other or either and play the victim when things do not work the way it was expected.
• Give silent treatment when expectations are not met as a way to force each other or either to fulfil their expectation.

Abusive Relationship

In an abusive relationship, it can be clearly seen where one person dominates over another and asserts his/her control.

• Intentionally undermines the other’s emotions, thoughts, and actions.
• Manipulates and dismisses the other’s feelings and understanding of a situation.
• Imposes their values, opinions, and ways on the other.
• Intimidates the other with threats and emotional blackmail.
• Physical and/or emotional violence is used to control the other person.
• Stalks the other person – traces their whereabouts, checks on their call logs and messages.
• Isolates the other from their friends and family members.

Effects of Unhealthy Relationship

Being involved in an unhealthy relationship can have damaging effects on the person involved. Some of the effects include:

Being involved in an unhealthy relationship can have damaging effects on the person involved. Some of the effects include:

Physical

• Increased stress level
• Fatigue and sleep problems
• Nausea and tension headaches
• Bruises
• Sexually transmitted diseases
• Substance abuse
• Pregnancy