Myths & Realities
Myth: Marriages which are not based on love frequently result in quarrels and end with wife beating.
Reality: A love marriage does not guarantee freedom from abuse. Wife beating occurs in love marriages as well as in arranged marriages.
Myth: Alcohol and drug use cause abuse.
Reality: Being intoxicated is simply an excuse for abusive behaviour, not the root cause. Many abusive relationships involve alcohol and drug dependency issues. Abuse and drug dependency, however, are two separate issues. Research indicates that even when an abuser quits drinking or using drugs, the abuse may continue. He simply finds something or someone else to blame for his behaviour.
Myth: Only poor and uneducated men abuse their wives.
Reality: Men from all kinds of social backgrounds abuse their wives. Domestic violence may appear to be a problem primarily of the poor, because middle and upper-class women often have the resources to hide the violence. Abused women with fewer resources are more visible since they must turn to public institutions, such as the police and hospitals, for help.
Myth: Only men who fail in other aspects of their lives beat their wives.
Reality: Men who have successful careers also beat their wives. Wives of successful men are more reluctant to expose their husbands who are high profile, as this may threaten his social standing, business, or employment, and often her only source of income.
Myth: Abused women have done something to cause the abuse.
Reality: No one, including the woman, is responsible for the abusive partner’s behaviour. Though he may be unwilling to accept it, the abuser alone bears that responsibility. “It’s her fault” is a statement frequently used as an excuse for the abuser’s behavior when in most cases, women try hard to please their abusive partners. The abuser chooses to abuse his partner, regardless of the woman’s behaviour.
Myth: Women can always leave.
Reality: Women often stay in abusive relationships because they are afraid or they feel guilty about leaving. Sometimes, they stay for the sake of their children or because they are financially dependent on their husbands.
Myth: Abusive relationships will never change for the better.
Reality: The key to changing an abusive relationship is the abuser’s willingness to accept responsibility for his actions. If the abuser admits to the inappropriateness of his actions, wants to change, and seeks counselling, then he has a chance to change. If the abuser will not accept this responsibility and refuses to change, the victim’s greatest chance for living non-violently is to leave that relationship. When the woman is willing to set healthy boundaries for herself, believes in her value and worth as a human being, and develops and utilises the resources and support systems available to her, she will have taken a giant leap towards finding peace in her life.
Check out books, posters & pamphlets and videos on Domestic Violence.