Women’s Stories
Lina’s Story
I am an Indonesian national who came to Malaysia in 1994 to earn a living. My parents were very ill and my siblings were young and still in school. I decided to stop my studies in accountancy and migrate to Malaysia to work as an operator in a factory in Penang. I was able to send money home to sponsor my younger siblings’ education and my family’s expenses in Indonesia. To boost my income, I also sewed clothes, table cloths, and pillowcases to sell to my friends at work. I managed to accumulate a fair amount of savings.
In 2000 I met my husband through a colleague of mine. We only met once during our courtship and I agreed to marry him straightaway. To me, he represented a good guy who cared about me. I paid for our wedding expenses in Penang. We also returned to Indonesia to have a small gathering with my family members and again all the expenses were borne by me. After our return to Malaysia, my husband asked me to stop working and live with my in-laws. After getting married, I discovered that my husband had a short temper. Whenever we had differences of opinions, he became angry easily and on a few occasions he even tried to hit me. I had to go back to tailoring because my husband’s income as a car re-possessor was not sufficient to cover our household expenditure. On top of that, he started to suffer from severe diabetes and high blood pressure and was often unable to go to work. Luckily my sewing was well received and we had enough money. In 2003 we moved to our own rented apartment after I gave birth to my son. I was no longer able to send money home to my family in Indonesia as I had to finance my new family here.
In 2004 my husband and I had a big argument when he suspected me of having an affair with an elderly man known as “Tok” who lived with us. No longer able to put up with my husband’s abuses, I returned to Indonesia with my son. My husband tracked me down in Indonesia and begged me to return. Upon the advice of my family, I returned with him to Penang. Not long after, he returned to his old ways.
In February 2006, we had a fight and my husband hit and choked me. This time I made a police report and underwent a physical examination at the hospital. There I picked up a brochure about Women’s Centre for Change (WCC) services. When I returned home, I was again physically assaulted by my husband for having left the house without his permission. The next day, I left the house and went to WCC for help. I stayed at the WCC shelter with my son and was relieved to have some peace. A week later, my husband turned up at WCC with two of his friends and demanded to see my child and me. WCC arranged for us to meet at the Religious Department of Penang. At the meeting, my husband started to curse and swear at me and put me down in front of those present. When I did not want to follow him home, he took my son and left. However, about two weeks later, the police informed me of my husband’s death that was caused by a heart attack. I felt tremendously guilty and thought that his death was a result of my leaving him. That same day, I went to my in-laws home to get my son back. They did not allow me to see my child and blamed me for the death of their son. At that point, I hear the sound of my son calling “mummy, mummy” over and over again.
WCC tried to arrange for a meeting with my in-laws at the Welfare Office so they would hand over my child to me but were unsuccessful in their attempt. Finally, I took on a lawyer to appeal for custody rights of my child in court. On the day of the hearing, my in-laws handed the child to me without any contest. I felt grateful because everything went smoothly.
After leaving the WCC shelter, I began to take up all sorts of jobs – cleaning houses, sewing clothes and also giving massages, to earn enough to take care of the two of us. I also received financial assistance in the form of RM200 each month from the Pusat Urusan Zakat. But the problem that I face now is that there is no one to look after my son while I am out working. I cannot afford to send my son to a day-care centre because of my irregular pay and I do not have any relatives in Penang to help me. Finally, I made the decision to ask my in-laws for help. At first, they were still relatively angry with me and did not want to accept me, but in the end their hearts softened. They agreed to take care of my son whenever I needed to go out to work. I am happy because my relationship with my in-laws has returned to what it was before. Not long after, I managed to secure a permanent job. While the pay is not much, I am nonetheless thankful because this represents a new beginning in my life.
Shanti’s Story
My husband and I were married in 1991. After getting married, I stopped work and lived in my in-laws’ home. After a year of marriage, I gave birth to my first child and the following year had a second child. Our family moved to Pahang when my husband, a labourer, received an offer to work there. My husband started coming home late from work, spending time with his friends. Each time he came home, he would be drunk and the money that I was given for the upkeep of our household lessened gradually. My husband started to hit me each time I questioned him about where he had been or how he spent his money. I also heard rumours from several neighbours that my husband had a mistress. Each time I asked him about this, he would hit me. It became increasingly difficult to manage the upkeep of our household as the money that was being given by my husband was not sufficient for the upkeep of our four children. In the year 2002, I could not tolerate my husband’s behaviour any longer and together with my children, we went to the Women’s Aid Organisation shelter for help in Petaling Jaya. When persuaded by a friend, I agreed to return to my husband after two weeks of staying at the shelter. I believed that he was sorry for what he had done. However, my husband reverted to his old behaviour soon after that.
Our family relocated to Penang after my husband received a job offer soon after that. He continued his irresponsible behaviour of drinking and womanising. Early in 2004, I filed a police report when my husband hit me, but I withdrew it the following day after being persuaded by my husband to do so. I was also worried about the consequences should the police take my husband away, as my family’s upkeep depended on his income. I also did not want my children to lose their father. However, when my husband starting having an affair with another woman, I became enraged and once I even caught him in the other woman’s house.
In May 2004, I together with my four children were brought to the Women’s Centre for Change (WCC) by a neighbour after my husband hit me again. I was counselled and also housed in the WCC shelter. With the help of WCC, I applied for an Interim Protection Order (IPO) to protect my children and myself. After over 20 years of a bad marriage, I decided to file for divorce at the Biro Bantuan Guaman. I then made an application for a low-cost house with a rental of RM100 per month. After three months of waiting at the WCC shelter, my children and I finally moved into our rented flat. At the same time, WCC helped me to find a job at a factory. Furthermore, WCC helped me apply for welfare aid for my children at the Welfare Office and other agencies. I was able to start a new life.
Unfortunately, my husband soon found out where I stayed and started to meet up with my children while I was out working. A few times in the night he appeared in a drunken state where he created a ruckus asking me for a reconciliation. I knew that his intentions were not good. I made another police report against him so that he would not harass my kids and me any more.
My life as a single mother is, without doubt, very challenging. Because I have no husband, male neighbours started to sexually harass me. They often spit out vulgar words inviting me to sleep with them. There was an incident when a man exposed his private parts while I was on my way home from the market. I made a few police reports and also wrote to the management of my housing estate. Neighbours also often abused and hit my sons. Once, one of them came to my house with a knife and brandished it because he was angry that I had made a police report. My eldest child felt so stressed from this abuse and humiliation that he searched out his father for protection. I could see the change in my child’s personality from being an extrovert to one who was moody and angry.
WCC suggested that I contact my family from whom I had been estranged for more than ten years because WCC felt that family support was paramount. I finally contacted my older sister and my mother with the help of several people. My family members were sympathetic to my situation and that of my children. They proposed to take care of my youngest child. I agreed with their suggestion with a heavy heart although I felt that it was the best step for the time being. Whenever I miss my child, I telephone her to hear her voice. I know that she is happy where she is. I also joined a single mothers’ support group run by the WCC. There I get to share my experiences and get emotional support from others who are in similar situations. In this group, my friends and I were taught how to handle life’s stresses and how to manage our lives and take care of ourselves. I am also glad when at my workplace I get to interact with friends. Some of them are very nice to me and offer me help when they learn that I am a single mother.
I am very thankful because my life is slowly getting better. I have also applied to own a low-cost flat and am now in the process of purchasing it. There were moments when I almost gave up thinking about my trials and tribulations that I had to undergo. Nonetheless, for the sake of my children, and with the help of various parties, I have managed to build up my life. I am counting the days until I will be able to live in our new flat and start a new life with the hope that my children and I will be able to live a comfortable and peaceful life. For this I am deeply indebted to many people, particularly WCC staff, YB Subbaiyah and the police who helped me get where I am today.
I Got Flowers Today by Paulette Kelly
I got flowers today.
It wasn’t my birthday
or any special day.
We had our first argument last night,
and he said a lot of cruel things
that really hurt me.
I know he is sorry
and didn’t mean the things he said
because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today.
It wasn’t our anniversary
or any other special day.
Last night, he threw me into a wall
and started to choke me.
It seemed like a nightmare.
I couldn’t believe it was real.
I know he must be sorry
because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today,
and it wasn’t Mother’s Day
or any other special day.
Last night, he beat me up again.
If I leave him, what will I do?
How will I take care of my kids?
What about money?
I’m afraid of him and scared to leave.
But I know he must be sorry
because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today.
Today was a very special day.
It was the day of my funeral.
Last night, he finally killed me.
If only I had gathered enough courage
and strength to leave him,
I would not have gotten flowers today.