Women’s Stories
Rintihan hati seorang isteri…
Saya, Jaza berumur 38 tahun dan mempunyai tiga orang anak. Saya telah berkahwin ketika berumur 18 tahun dengan jejaka pilihan keluarga. Tiga bulan selepas berkahwin, saya mula mengenali perangai sebenar suami.
Dia seorang yang panas baran, selalu memukul dan pernah sekali dia memukul ketika saya baru melahirkan anak sehingga perut saya bengkak. Dia dan ahli keluarganya juga melayan saya seperti hamba. Saya hanya dibenarkan makan selepas mereka makan dan kadang-kala terpaksa berlapar. Dia juga suka mengutuk bentuk badan saya dan sering mengatakan bahawa dia tidak berasa seronok ketika kami “make love”. Hati saya sangat sakit dan berasa amat malu dengan diri sendiri. Namun, saya bersabar dan sentiasa berdoa agar suami saya akan berubah suatu hari nanti.
Saya pernah cuba melarikan diri pada tahun 2006 dengan abang saudaranya kerana tidak tahan lagi dengan penderaan suami. Namun begitu, dia berjaya mencari saya dan berjanji akan berubah dan akan menyayangi saya sekiranya saya pulang ke pangkuannya. Tetapi saya memang bodoh. Mulutnya sahaja berkata dia sudah memaafkan saya tetapi hatinya tidak. Setiap kali kami bergaduh, dia masih memukul dan mengungkit perkara lama. Ahli keluarga saya juga amat marah kerana mereka merasakan bahawa saya telah memalukan nama keluarga. Saya terasa seperti ingin membunuh diri tetapi saya bersabar demi anak-anak.
Pada Januari tahun ini, saya tidak sanggup bersabar lagi dengan keganasannya. Saya telah meninggalkan rumah bersama anak-anak dan berlindung di sebuah pusat perlindungan di Johor. Malangnya, dia berjaya menjejaki saya dan membawa saya pulang. Dia membogelkan saya dan mengikat tangan dan kaki saya dengan rantai besi. Dia kemudian menyuruh tiga orang lelaki untuk merogol saya sambil merakam perbuatan mereka dengan kamera video. Saya merayu pada mereka dan sangat bersyukur apabila mereka berhenti selepas meraba saya. Pada ketika itu, saya berasa seperti di dalam neraka.
Dia juga memaksa saya makan makanan yang mengandungi dadah dan menyuruh saya minum racun. Saya berasa sukar untuk bernafas dan muntah darah. Saya merayu untuk dihantar ke hospital tetapi dia langsung tidak mengendahkan saya. Pada malam itu, dia masih mengikat tangan dan kaki saya dan membiarkan saya tidur tanpa seurat benang.
Pada keesokan harinya, keadaan saya semakin teruk. Saya berasa sangat panas; dada seperti dibakar, telinga dan hidung mula berdarah dan berasa seakan-akan hendak pengsan pada bila-bila masa. Selepas suami keluar dari rumah, dengan berbekalkan segala kekuatan yang ada, saya berguling ke hadapan pintu lalu membuka pintu dan menjerit sekuat hati untuk meminta pertolongan jiran. Saya telah diselamatkan oleh polis dan dihantar ke hospital untuk rawatan.
Pihak polis berjaya menangkap suami dan dia telah direman untuk penyiasatan. Seminggu kemudian, saya kembali ke rumah perlindungan. Dengan bantuan pekerja sosial di sana, saya pergi ke Mahkamah Syariah untuk memohon penceraian dan hak penjagaan anak-anak. Tanpa melengahkan masa, saya meninggalkan Johor bersama anak-anak. Kini, saya berada di Pulau Pinang dan berasa sangat tenang dan gembira. Demi anak-anak, saya berjanji akan terus berjuang untuk maju sebagai seorang ibu tunggal.
How Could You Treat Me Like This?
“He tore off my clothes and stripped me naked… he started to hit me with his strong hands and leg till I peed on the carpet…and he stopped. I thought it was over but he took me upstairs, again hit me and kicked me with his leg…till I peed again…I couldn’t tell how long he was beating me…it seemed like hours and hours…and he stopped.
I then wore my T-shirt and tracksuit and went downstairs. I was expecting him to beat me again but luckily it didn’t happen. I went to the kitchen; wore my slippers, opened the back door and without turning back, ran to the junction of the road and got help from a neighbour…my neighbour helped me escape. I went to my parent’s house.
I was so scared and traumatised although this was not the first time he has beaten me. But this time, he was so abusive that I couldn’t take it anymore. I told myself this is it… I am going to divorce this monster!”
However, as predicted by my family members, my husband came begging, crying and asked for a final chance. He promised to change and will hurt me no more. I followed him home thinking that “tak apalah mungkin dia akan berubah kali ini”. (Never mind, maybe this time he will change).
But I was wrong. The night I followed him home, he hit me again…He didn’t allow me to sleep the whole night. He forced me to have sex with him and sodomised me terribly. I asked “How could you treat me like this?” but he just doesn’t bother. I really felt so humiliated…and so degraded. I am educated, come from a well-to-do family, and I don’t deserve to be treated like this!
**This client came to WCC with her family members to seek help. She then lodged a police report, did a medical check-up at the hospital and got an Interim Protection Order. She is in the process of filing for a divorce.
Suara Hati Wanita
Aku berusia 45 tahun. Aku melangkah ke alam perkahwinan di usia yang masih mentah, ketika kawan-kawan sebaya masih menikmati zaman bujang mereka. Perkahwinan aku dan suami tidak direstui oleh pihak keluarganya.
Aku sering dipukul dan ketika mengandung anak sulungku 7 bulan, aku ditendang di bahagian belakang. Yang hairan ibu bapanya langsung tidak menegur perlakuan anak mereka terhadap diriku. Aku membiarkan apa sahaja yang diperlakukan oleh suamiku kerana aku malu untuk bercerita keadaanku pada keluargaku.
Aku menyangka sikap suami pasti berubah sekiranya aku menuruti apa sahaja kemahuannya. Maki-hamun, caci-cerca adalah perkara biasa buat suamiku dan ini dilakukan di hadapan anak-anak. Perlakuan seksnya juga agak luar biasa. Susah untuk berehat walaupun aku dalam keadaan haid. Peristiwa yang lebih menyayat hati aku ialah apabila mendapat tahu suami aku menjalinkan hubungan sulit dengan perempuan lain tanpa pengetahuanku selama 5 tahun.
Aku jarang bergaul dengan jiran mahupun keluarga kandungku. Dia tidak suka aku menghubungi adik-beradikku. Suami aku seringkali mengugut akan membunuhku jika aku tinggalkannya. Keadaan inilah yang membuatkan aku hidup dalam ketakutan. Aku pasti ramai wanita yang teraniaya seperti aku terpaksa meneruskan kehidupan perkahwinan mereka demi anak-anak. Aku bertahan begitu lama, memendam rasa atas apa jua perlakuannya sehinggalah aku diusir dari rumah. Aku membuat keputusan untuk melaporkan kejadian terhadapku di balai polis yang berhampiran. Mungkin anak-anak aku yang seramai 10 orang inilah menjadi kekuatan untuk aku keluar dari kehidupan perkahwinan neraka ini. Aku memberanikan diri membuat laporan, pergi ke hospital untuk rawatan diri dan seterusnya aku ditempatkan di WCC. Di tempat inilah aku mendapat ketenangan dan boleh berfikir walaupun masih dalam kebingungan. Aku amat berterima kasih kepada WCC dan kakitangan WCC atas budi baik mereka selama aku tinggal di sini.
Kepada wanita yang turut mengalami nasib seperti aku, aku nasihatkan “Kita kaum wanita tidak harus diperalatkan oleh suami-suami yang mengambil kesempatan di atas kelemahan kita. Kita sebenarnya tidak lemah tetapi merekalah yang membuatkan kita sedemikian”.
Akhir kata, “SAYANGILAH DIRI KITA DAHULU SEBELUM KITA MAHU ORANG MENYAYANGI
KITA.”
He Can’t Hurt Me Anymore
Three years ago Sonia, a 30 year old woman came to WCC for help. She decided that she had had enough of beatings from her husband. She planned to leave him and start a new life. When she finally left him, she came to WCC to seek temporary shelter with her two traumatised young children in tow and only a bag of clothes. WCC counselled her and helped her find both a job and accommodation while her children went for therapy.
Sonia started her work in a restaurant as a kitchen helper. Being an Indian single mother, she faced constant verbal harassment from other Indian men who worked nearby proposing her to sleep with them or saying she is a prostitute, etc. She kept quiet and swallowed the verbal harassment bitterly as she was in fear of moving elsewhere that may result her in bumping into her husband. All she could do was to pray that she will be given a better opportunity to work in another place.
Six months later, her previous employer contacted her and offered a job at his new mini-market in another state. She leapt at the offer and with her small savings, left the restaurant and rented a house near her new work place. She worked 12-14 hours everyday to save whatever she could to make ends meet. However, luck was not on her side and her motorcycle was stolen one day. Being the only mode of transport for herself and her children, she was very upset but she persevered to work hard to provide for her children.
Two years had passed when in November 2009, Sonia suddenly called WCC to say she had been hospitalised. The doctor confirmed that both her kidneys had been badly damaged by the past beatings of her husband for which she had never sought medical attention. By this time too, her husband had discovered her working place and was harassing and threatening her. Her employer, aware of her situation, protected her and warned him to leave, threatening to call the police. This happened repeatedly and in 2010, he finally agreed to the divorce and giving her the custody of the children. She told WCC “Now, I am finally free. He can’t hurt me anymore.”
In July 2010, her health took a sharp turn for the worse. While she was in hospital, thieves broke into her house and took away everything. When WCC heard the news, an appeal email seeking donations in cash and kind was sent out. WCC received an overwhelming response and, within a week, replaced all the furniture which had been stolen. On top of that, WCC friends and supporters also donated generously with over RM20,000 collected.
The tremendous sum of money collected astonished her. With the donation, WCC sat down and discussed how she could best use the donation for herself and children. Looking at her health situation, she agreed to a RM500 monthly installment payment which will last her for the next three years. As she is also receiving RM400 monthly from Jabatan Kebajikan Masyarakat, she was able to stop working temporarily to concentrate on recovering her health.
Sonia now stays home to look after her children. Her health is slowly improving as she follows the doctor’s advice on diet and exercise. She plans to resume work in a month or two. During one of her sessions with WCC, she said “WCC is like my parents; my God…they have brought light to my dark world…”
Lina’s Story
I am an Indonesian national who came to Malaysia in 1994 to earn a living. My parents were very ill and my siblings were young and still in school. I decided to stop my studies in accountancy and migrate to Malaysia to work as an operator in a factory in Penang. I was able to send money home to sponsor my younger siblings’ education and my family’s expenses in Indonesia. To boost my income, I also sewed clothes, table cloths, and pillowcases to sell to my friends at work. I managed to accumulate a fair amount of savings.
In 2000 I met my husband through a colleague of mine. We only met once during our courtship and I agreed to marry him straightaway. To me, he represented a good guy who cared about me. I paid for our wedding expenses in Penang. We also returned to Indonesia to have a small gathering with my family members and again all the expenses were borne by me. After our return to Malaysia, my husband asked me to stop working and live with my in-laws. After getting married, I discovered that my husband had a short temper. Whenever we had differences of opinions, he became angry easily and on a few occasions he even tried to hit me. I had to go back to tailoring because my husband’s income as a car re-possessor was not sufficient to cover our household expenditure. On top of that, he started to suffer from severe diabetes and high blood pressure and was often unable to go to work. Luckily my sewing was well received and we had enough money. In 2003 we moved to our own rented apartment after I gave birth to my son. I was no longer able to send money home to my family in Indonesia as I had to finance my new family here.
In 2004 my husband and I had a big argument when he suspected me of having an affair with an elderly man known as “Tok” who lived with us. No longer able to put up with my husband’s abuses, I returned to Indonesia with my son. My husband tracked me down in Indonesia and begged me to return. Upon the advice of my family, I returned with him to Penang. Not long after, he returned to his old ways.
In February 2006, we had a fight and my husband hit and choked me. This time I made a police report and underwent a physical examination at the hospital. There I picked up a brochure about Women’s Centre for Change (WCC) services. When I returned home, I was again physically assaulted by my husband for having left the house without his permission. The next day, I left the house and went to WCC for help. I stayed at the WCC shelter with my son and was relieved to have some peace. A week later, my husband turned up at WCC with two of his friends and demanded to see my child and me. WCC arranged for us to meet at the Religious Department of Penang. At the meeting, my husband started to curse and swear at me and put me down in front of those present. When I did not want to follow him home, he took my son and left. However, about two weeks later, the police informed me of my husband’s death that was caused by a heart attack. I felt tremendously guilty and thought that his death was a result of my leaving him. That same day, I went to my in-laws home to get my son back. They did not allow me to see my child and blamed me for the death of their son. At that point, I hear the sound of my son calling “mummy, mummy” over and over again.
WCC tried to arrange for a meeting with my in-laws at the Welfare Office so they would hand over my child to me but were unsuccessful in their attempt. Finally, I took on a lawyer to appeal for custody rights of my child in court. On the day of the hearing, my in-laws handed the child to me without any contest. I felt grateful because everything went smoothly.
After leaving the WCC shelter, I began to take up all sorts of jobs – cleaning houses, sewing clothes and also giving massages, to earn enough to take care of the two of us. I also received financial assistance in the form of RM200 each month from the Pusat Urusan Zakat. But the problem that I face now is that there is no one to look after my son while I am out working. I cannot afford to send my son to a day-care centre because of my irregular pay and I do not have any relatives in Penang to help me. Finally, I made the decision to ask my in-laws for help. At first, they were still relatively angry with me and did not want to accept me, but in the end their hearts softened. They agreed to take care of my son whenever I needed to go out to work. I am happy because my relationship with my in-laws has returned to what it was before. Not long after, I managed to secure a permanent job. While the pay is not much, I am nonetheless thankful because this represents a new beginning in my life.
Shanti’s Story
My husband and I were married in 1991. After getting married, I stopped work and lived in my in-laws’ home. After a year of marriage, I gave birth to my first child and the following year had a second child. Our family moved to Pahang when my husband, a labourer, received an offer to work there. My husband started coming home late from work, spending time with his friends. Each time he came home, he would be drunk and the money that I was given for the upkeep of our household lessened gradually. My husband started to hit me each time I questioned him about where he had been or how he spent his money. I also heard rumours from several neighbours that my husband had a mistress. Each time I asked him about this, he would hit me. It became increasingly difficult to manage the upkeep of our household as the money that was being given by my husband was not sufficient for the upkeep of our four children. In the year 2002, I could not tolerate my husband’s behaviour any longer and together with my children, we went to the Women’s Aid Organisation shelter for help in Petaling Jaya. When persuaded by a friend, I agreed to return to my husband after two weeks of staying at the shelter. I believed that he was sorry for what he had done. However, my husband reverted to his old behaviour soon after that.
Our family relocated to Penang after my husband received a job offer soon after that. He continued his irresponsible behaviour of drinking and womanising. Early in 2004, I filed a police report when my husband hit me, but I withdrew it the following day after being persuaded by my husband to do so. I was also worried about the consequences should the police take my husband away, as my family’s upkeep depended on his income. I also did not want my children to lose their father. However, when my husband starting having an affair with another woman, I became enraged and once I even caught him in the other woman’s house.
In May 2004, I together with my four children were brought to the Women’s Centre for Change (WCC) by a neighbour after my husband hit me again. I was counselled and also housed in the WCC shelter. With the help of WCC, I applied for an Interim Protection Order (IPO) to protect my children and myself. After over 20 years of a bad marriage, I decided to file for divorce at the Biro Bantuan Guaman. I then made an application for a low-cost house with a rental of RM100 per month. After three months of waiting at the WCC shelter, my children and I finally moved into our rented flat. At the same time, WCC helped me to find a job at a factory. Furthermore, WCC helped me apply for welfare aid for my children at the Welfare Office and other agencies. I was able to start a new life.
Unfortunately, my husband soon found out where I stayed and started to meet up with my children while I was out working. A few times in the night he appeared in a drunken state where he created a ruckus asking me for a reconciliation. I knew that his intentions were not good. I made another police report against him so that he would not harass my kids and me any more.
My life as a single mother is, without doubt, very challenging. Because I have no husband, male neighbours started to sexually harass me. They often spit out vulgar words inviting me to sleep with them. There was an incident when a man exposed his private parts while I was on my way home from the market. I made a few police reports and also wrote to the management of my housing estate. Neighbours also often abused and hit my sons. Once, one of them came to my house with a knife and brandished it because he was angry that I had made a police report. My eldest child felt so stressed from this abuse and humiliation that he searched out his father for protection. I could see the change in my child’s personality from being an extrovert to one who was moody and angry.
WCC suggested that I contact my family from whom I had been estranged for more than ten years because WCC felt that family support was paramount. I finally contacted my older sister and my mother with the help of several people. My family members were sympathetic to my situation and that of my children. They proposed to take care of my youngest child. I agreed with their suggestion with a heavy heart although I felt that it was the best step for the time being. Whenever I miss my child, I telephone her to hear her voice. I know that she is happy where she is. I also joined a single mothers’ support group run by the WCC. There I get to share my experiences and get emotional support from others who are in similar situations. In this group, my friends and I were taught how to handle life’s stresses and how to manage our lives and take care of ourselves. I am also glad when at my workplace I get to interact with friends. Some of them are very nice to me and offer me help when they learn that I am a single mother.
I am very thankful because my life is slowly getting better. I have also applied to own a low-cost flat and am now in the process of purchasing it. There were moments when I almost gave up thinking about my trials and tribulations that I had to undergo. Nonetheless, for the sake of my children, and with the help of various parties, I have managed to build up my life. I am counting the days until I will be able to live in our new flat and start a new life with the hope that my children and I will be able to live a comfortable and peaceful life. For this I am deeply indebted to many people, particularly WCC staff, YB Subbaiyah and the police who helped me get where I am today.
I Got Flowers Today by Paulette Kelly
I got flowers today.
It wasn’t my birthday
or any special day.
We had our first argument last night,
and he said a lot of cruel things
that really hurt me.
I know he is sorry
and didn’t mean the things he said
because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today.
It wasn’t our anniversary
or any other special day.
Last night, he threw me into a wall
and started to choke me.
It seemed like a nightmare.
I couldn’t believe it was real.
I know he must be sorry
because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today,
and it wasn’t Mother’s Day
or any other special day.
Last night, he beat me up again.
If I leave him, what will I do?
How will I take care of my kids?
What about money?
I’m afraid of him and scared to leave.
But I know he must be sorry
because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today.
Today was a very special day.
It was the day of my funeral.
Last night, he finally killed me.
If only I had gathered enough courage
and strength to leave him,
I would not have gotten flowers today.