Leaving a Violent Spouse

Your safety is the most important thing. Listed below are tips to help keep you safe. It is important to get help with your safety plan.

If you are in an abusive relationship, think about…

  1. Having important phone numbers nearby for you and your children. Numbers to have are the police, relatives, friends, and the local women’s organisation.
  2. Friends or neighbors you could tell about the abuse. Ask them to call the police if they hear angry or violent noises.
  3. How to get out of your home safely. Practise ways to get out.
  4. Think about ways that you could get any harmful object or weapon out of the house.
  5. Even if you do not plan to leave, think of where you could go. Think of how you might leave. Put together a bag of things you use everyday (see the checklist below). Hide it where it is easy for you to get.
  6. Going over your safety plan often.

If you consider leaving your abuser, think about…

1. Two places you could go if you leave your home.
2. People who might help you if you left. Think about people who will keep a bag for you. Think about people who might lend you money.
3. Keeping change for phone calls or getting a cell phone.
4. Opening a bank account or getting a credit card in your name.
5. How you could take your children with you safely. There are times when taking your children with you may put all of your lives in danger. You need to protect yourself to be able to protect your children.
6. Putting together a bag of things you use everyday. Hide it where it is easy for you to get.

Should a situation arise where you and your children feel threaten and need to leave the violent home, here are some tips to remember.

  • Keep a bag of essentials in a safe and hidden place where the abuser cannot find it. Things like:
    • Identity card, birth certificate, driving licence, marriage certificate, school certificates
    • Cash, jewellery, bank book, ATM card, credit card, passport, insurance policy
    • Clothes
    • Hand phone, telephone and address book
    • Keys – house, car, office, safe deposit box
  • Plan a safety route. Have a plan ready in case you have to leave home suddenly. In case the house door is locked, make sure you have the house keys to leave the house.
  • Keep important contact numbers with you at all times. These should include close relatives, friends, police and hospital.
  • Consider when it is the best time to leave.

Note: Plan to take your children with you should you decide to leave especially if the children are young. If you leave without them, you may not have easy access to them subsequently. Sometimes your spouse may coerce you to return by using the children as an excuse.

If you have left your abuser, think about…

  1. Getting an IPO from the court. Keep a copy with you all the time.
  2. Changing the locks.
  3. Telling friends and neighbors that your abuser no longer lives with you.
  4. Telling people who take care of your children the names of people who are allowed to pick them up. If you have an IPO protecting your children, give their teachers and babysitters a copy of it.
  5. Telling someone at work about what has happened. Ask that person to screen your calls. Think about and practise a safety plan for your workplace. Use a variety of routes to go home if possible.
  6. Not using the same stores or businesses that you did when you were with your abuser.
  7. Someone that you can call if you feel down.
  8. Going over your safety plan often.

Police Report

The following facts are required in a police report.

When: When did it occur?
Where: Where did it happen – location
What: What is the incident?
Who: Who was involved
How: How did it happen?
Effect: What’s the effect on you after the incident? (bruises, injury etc)

Sample of a police report

English

On ______________(date and time), while I was at ____________(address/location), my husband _________________ (name and IC) kicked and hit me with his hand. Due to the incident, I got bruises on my right hand, both legs and my head was also swollen. The reason I made the report is for my protection and I am scared to go back. This is the end of my report.

Bahasa Malaysia

Pada _____________ (tarikh dan jam), semasa saya berada di rumah saya di _________________ (alamat rumah_), suami saya _______________ (nama dan no K/P) telah memukul saya dengan menggunakan tangan dan kaki. Akibat dari kejadian itu, saya mendapat lebam di tangan kanan, kedua belah kaki dan bengkak di kepala. Tujuan buat laporan untuk meminta perlindungan dan saya amat takut untuk balik rumah. Sekian laporan saya.

Interim Protection Order

One important feature in the Domestic Violence Act 1994 is the Interim Protection Order (IPO), which offers temporary legal protection for the victims. An IPO is a court order to stop the abusive husband, parent or relative from committing further acts of violence against the victim. The IPO is temporary and valid as long as investigations are carried out by the police. The IPO is often a strong deterrent to further violence.

Protection Order

An interim protection order ceases to have effect upon the completion of the investigation. If, following the completion of the police investigation, the accused is charged with an offence committed under circumstances that fall within the definition of domestic violence, the court may issue a Protection Order. The scope of PO is greater than an IPO due to additional provisions which may be attached to the order. Section 5 of the DVA enables the court to:

  • To restrain commission of domestic violence against the victim
  • To restrain the offender or alleged offender from inciting others to commit domestic violence against the victim